It's late and I can't sleep.

It's been a while.  Unfortunately so, but things have just kind of been crazy with me lately.  I've redone my room, there's lots of things being changed in my house, there's just a lot of chaos basically.  And sadly that means my blog was neglected.  And I just have it in my mind that this blog needs to be beauty and fashion and while I do wish it to be I've come to realize that maybe it can be about other things.  Things that people think about but never really say.  The things you think about late at night, maybe like I am now.

I’ve just watched the movie “The First Time".  The lead is Dylan O’Brien who I’ve recently fallen in love with after watching Teen Wolf for the past week like a maniac.  I watched this movie simply because he was the lead and it looked promising.  But it was more than that in the end.  I feel like…I don’t know I always have this desire to just put myself out there and be a little reckless.  Now if you’ve seen the movie or go google it now don’t think that like…okay it does seem strange that this movie would inspire me considering it’s essentially these two teenagers losing their virginity but if you watch the movie you’ll see it’s far more than that.  It’s doing the unexpected and doing what you want because you’re young and because you can.

One of my favorite songs is Wild Thing by Misty Miller and my favorite line is, “Inside of each of us there is a hidden child / all you have to do is learn to be wild."  That line just strikes me.  Sometimes I just feel like I act too old.  I haven’t made those stupid mistakes that teenagers seem to make.  I haven’t snuck out late at night- I haven’t rebelled I guess.  And maybe that’s good.  I’m not saying I’m some perfect person, hell I’m far from that, but sometimes, like right now, I just feel like I want to be young.  I want to go out and do things I normally wouldn’t do, because when else am I going to do them? I don’t want to be afraid of putting myself out there.  I don’t necessarily want to rebel I just want to…be.  To be.  More than just be actually…I want to live.  And obviously I am living and I can say I have never been happier in my life than I am right now but I just want to do more, see more, try more and see where it takes me.

I know I sound like some dramatic teen who watches way too many movies late at night and hey maybe I am, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m just saying what so many others think and feel.  I just don’t want to miss out on my life because I was afraid of what might be.  Of the unknown.  I turn 17 in 6 days.  Almost 17 years I’ve been alive…but have I really lived?  I keep asking myself that, and I don’t know the answer.  Well I want to know the answer now.  I want to know that I have lived a little in a sense.

It’s not my intention to now go and try a bunch of drugs and try and hook up with a bunch of guys.  That’s honestly what I really don’t want to do.  What I want to do is to not let my fears hold me back.  To say yes more.  Because like I’ve heard so many times about weird looking vegetables, “you don’t know until you’ve tried it."  Well I think after 17 years it’s time to try it.  We’ll see how it goes.

Be Positive. Be Happy. & Smile.

     Kate